I wanted to find a place where I could make community

After more than 40 years in the same family home, moving from Greater London to Exeter was a big decision for Hilary. 

Hilary grew up in Eastcote and trained as a primary school teacher at Coventry College of Education, later specialising in music. She met her husband Ian through church, and they married after Hilary had been teaching for a couple of years.  

The couple initially lived in Pinner, where their two sons were born, before moving to a four-bedroom family home in Ruislip in 1985. Hilary returned to teaching part time after the boys were born, while Ian worked as a civil servant in social surveys. 

Music and their shared Christian faith remained important throughout their married life. Hilary taught music, ran choirs and was involved in BBC schools music programmes. She later became a commissioned lay minister for music, organising singers and musicians and playing keyboard in the church band. Ian was also closely involved in church life and became a Church of England lay minister in his late 50s.  

Hilary went on to train as a psychotherapeutic counsellor and combined that work with a small private practice. 

The couple also enjoyed travelling and eating out together. 

“We travelled a lot. We had a six-week trip to the States when the boys were about nine and 12 and went to Disneyland, Yosemite, Las Vegas, all over the place. I’d only been on a plane once before. 

“We went to Germany soon after the Berlin Wall came down and later on, we discovered river cruises, which I very much enjoyed. We were always fond of food too. In fact, one of the ways Ian asked me out was to ask if I would like to go to a particular Spanish restaurant in town with him.” 

Ian died in February 2024, after living with cancer for several years. Hilary remained in their Ruislip home for around another 18 months, supported by her sons, friends and church community. 

“The church kept me going. Ian had been part of that church as well, so he was remembered and I could talk about him with people who knew him.” 

As the months went on, Hilary also began to think practically about the future. The four-bedroom family home that had served them well for more than 40 years was now much more space than she needed, with jobs around the house to keep on top of.  

“I’m still quite proactive about what I do and don’t do, and I knew there were things that needed doing in the house. Four bedrooms and two bathrooms is not what a single person needs.” 

Hilary began weighing up whether to find something smaller locally or move closer to one of her sons. 

“My daughter-in-law in Devon has worked in property and property management, and I was always phoning her and asking, ‘Who do I get in touch with to fix this or fix that?’ She said, ‘Have you ever thought you might come and live near us?’ 

“But when you’ve been a couple and you’re on your own, not even with all the friends and family I had, I wanted to make and find community. The church is a community in one sense, but I wanted to find a place where I could make community.” 

Searching online for options near one of her sons, Hilary came across Radford House. 

“I’d never heard of Adlington, but I thought, ‘This seems a bit different.’ My daughter-in-law initially said, ‘I don’t know why you’re doing this. You could get a nice bungalow near us.’ I said, ‘Let’s go and visit.’” 

At that stage, Radford House was still under construction and there were no show apartments to view, so Hilary and her son and daughter-in-law studied the plans instead. 

“She asked me what I wanted and I said, ‘I want to be downstairs. I want the ground floor.’ She looked at the plans and said, ‘This one here on the corner will give you the most light.’ 

“By the time we came out, my daughter-in-law was saying, ‘I think that’s perfect for you.’”  

The three of them also walked down to Exeter Quays to make sure Hilary was comfortable with the location. 

“I’d been to Exeter many times with Ian to visit the family and I’d always loved it anyway. It buzzes, but it’s not too big for a city. On a Saturday there are people busking in different places and playing all different styles of music. I love a place with life.” 

“You need the support, but you fly” 

As Hilary learnt more about Radford House, she liked the idea of having her own apartment alongside the facilities and support available.  

“The restaurant, the fact that there’s somebody here all the time, the hairdresser and the therapy room all appealed to me. It’s independent retirement living, but I think all my life I’ve felt that everybody thrives with support. 

“It’s a paradoxical thing. You need the support, but you fly. Even at this stage of life, I think you can fly in a way. I’m 78 and there’s still quite a lot of life in me.” 

Being on the ground floor was important to Hilary too, particularly because she could look out onto the garden.  

“For me, it felt like the complete package. A lot of people want to go upstairs for the view, but I thought, ‘I’ve got a patio here and I can see the garden.’” 

Moving from a four-bedroom family house inevitably meant sorting through decades of belongings. Hilary found the support available through the moving process helpful and involved her family, friends and church community too. 

“There was a lot to get rid of, but it was a joint effort. I also had to be willing to think about what I could put in each room.” 

One item Hilary was particularly pleased to find a new home for was Ian’s hi-fi equipment. A friend from church sold it on eBay and the proceeds helped the church to buy a new keyboard, something Hilary describes as ‘a way of being a legacy’. 

Hilary chose carefully from the furniture and possessions that meant most to her. Her dining furniture dates back to her marriage, pictures that belonged to her mother now hang on her walls and a favourite recliner came with her too. 

“When my husband got his recliner, he said, ‘I want you to have one too,’ so we got that one for me. You bring something of yourself with you.” 

Hilary moved into Radford House in November 2025 as its second homeowner and says she settled quickly. 

“I think I’m a person who finds their way with things. At first, I would walk along the corridor in the evening for exercise. There would always be somebody there and I could say hello, pick up a nighttime tea and walk back. As more people gradually moved in, more things started happening. You find your ways, don’t you?” 

The choice to be with people 

Sheila, who moved in the following day, was already a familiar face. Hilary had met her briefly at one of the coffee mornings held before the first homeowners moved in, and the two quickly became friends once they were neighbours. 

“I might have hoped I would make a good friend, but I didn’t necessarily expect it. On my second night I was really tired and thought I’d go and eat and probably be on my own. Sheila was there with her son. It was her first night, and her son had just helped her to move in. She introduced herself and said, ‘Hello, can we come and sit with you?’ 

“Then on the Sunday, I’d booked myself in for a roast dinner. I hadn’t had a roast dinner for years because Ian didn’t like them and, on my own, I didn’t make one. There was a ring on my doorbell and it was Sheila. She said, ‘Are you going? Shall we go in together?’ 

“I wouldn’t have done that because I might have worried I was being intrusive, but it didn’t feel intrusive at all. It felt good. We sat and chatted and had the chance to get to know each other. 

“That friendship is a gift for me. We have a bit of a laugh. We’re quite different in many ways, but often that works. We are good friends and she’s a lovely person.” 

Hilary now regularly uses the restaurant, often choosing to have her main meal there at lunchtime and make something lighter for herself in the evening. She also enjoys the themed evenings, which have included a surf and turf meal followed by a screening of Mamma Mia, as well as Italian and Spanish themed nights. She joins activities including art sessions and film nights, and has also found a new church in Exeter, where she once again plays the piano as part of its music group. 

It was only after moving that Hilary realised how much she valued having the choice between company and time on her own. 

“I think I can honestly say that every day I think I must have been quite lonely after my husband died. Now I have a choice. I can come to my apartment and be on my own or I can go and be with people. 

“Even when I’m not actually with people, I can sit in the lounge and have a cup of coffee and look out and have that sense of people around me.” 

That balance between independence and being part of a community is something Hilary has thought about a great deal. She likes the idea behind Ubuntu, often summed up as ‘I am because we are’. 

“I’m an independent person in this place, and I can be independent, but only because we are. And that’s about making community. You can have things in common and differences of opinion. You don’t have to be the same as everybody else.” 

“Go in and ask questions” 

Hilary’s advice to anybody considering retirement living is to investigate it for themselves rather than feeling they need to make an immediate decision. 

“I would say, ‘I’m very happy here. Why don’t you look into it and see what you think? Go and talk to people and find out.’ 

“I didn’t experience any judgement about whether or not I was going ahead. There were different people to support me at different stages too. Vicky was brilliant, and Karen kept me abreast of what was happening when we got to the solicitors and the moving process. 

“I feel a lot of thought goes into Adlington. I would say to anybody, go in and ask questions, look into it for yourself and trust your gut.”