Juggling a job and ageing parents

When caring becomes a career and you already have one

Many of us reach mid‑life thinking our biggest challenge is juggling a career, a family and self-care, but for a growing number of us, another major responsibility lands on top: caring for ageing parents. When that role competes with your job, your time, your energy, it can feel overwhelming, even impossible at times.

This tension is real. You show up to the office with one part of your life, and your heart is somewhere else, worried about your parent’s safety, their loneliness, their ability to manage the everyday. You try to fit in care-giving tasks around your diary, but something always gives and usually it’s your rest, your relationships, or your sense of control.

You’re not alone, and there is a better way.

The hidden weight of dual roles

Take John and Jean, long‑time homeowners who decided to move into a retirement community after years of struggling with upkeep and stress. Jean recalls evenings when she felt she could never finish her chores: “I was never done. There was always something to do and I didn’t want to be tied to the house.” And the sad part; that stress is often subconsciously passed onto the next generation of loved ones who start to burden and responsibility.

Their story echoes what many in the new ‘sandwich generation’ feel as those who are stretched between their own young families and ageing parents, when caring becomes a job, compounding roles that already demand so much.

Why the struggle is so hard

• Invisible load: Much of caring is invisible, like phone calls, appointments, errands, worry. This mental load sits alongside your paid work, often with little acknowledgment or support.
• Fragmented time: You get pulled in every direction with work meetings, care visits, daily administration and there’s rarely a moment to pause, think or breathe.
• Emotional turmoil: Guilt, anxiety, fear, frustration are real, and these feelings accompany every decision. Are you doing enough? Did you miss something? Could you do anything differently?
• Opportunity cost: Your career may suffer, your time with family shrinks, your health slips as you relax less, and you trade capacity for the one thing you can never get back: Time.

A different path: Rightsizing as relief

Retirement living isn’t about giving up, it’s about re-balancing. It’s about finding a place that offers safety, community, and support so that your caring role isn’t all-consuming and compromises on both sides are less.

When a parent moves into a thoughtfully designed community:

• You reduce daily stress about their safety or isolation
• You free up time to focus on your work, your children, your own health
• You restore dignity, purpose and social opportunities for them
• You move from crisis to choice, acting before exhaustion sets in
• And better still, they get a wonderful new life filled with opportunities to reverse loneliness, no longer feel overwhelmed as well, and be comfortable knowing that help is on-hand, within the building, whenever they need it.

Reshaping the future: A living legacy is a valuable gift

Ask yourself: What does “legacy” actually mean? Is it a house in a will or is it the life you enabled your parent to have now? The quality, dignity, companionship and ease.

By helping them to choose retirement living earlier, you’re not withdrawing from their life, you’re enabling you all to enjoy a better one, together. You’re giving your parent a life that reflects their values of independence and choice, and you’re also freeing up your time to be present, not just for them, but for your own children or career. You do more than care you become invested.

How to approach a shift in your thinking

• Listen to your limits: Acknowledge when the burden is unsustainable
• Plan early: Explore retirement community options before a crisis happens
• Involve your parent or loved one: Co-design their future, rather than imposing it
• Seek support: Talk to professionals, counsellors, others in your shoes, Carents is great starting point
• Focus on what remains possible: You don’t have to do everything, there are always options

A hopeful re-frame

Caring doesn’t have to become another full-time job, it can become a shared journey, and one supported by the right environment. You don’t need to sacrifice your health, performance or future or drown in guilt and exhaustion.

When Maria’s father Nigel moved to Jacobs Gate, she was relieved to explain: “It definitely gives me more peace of mind. I think it’s just marvellous, the whole ethos and the feeling behind the place. All the staff are lovely and it’s a really good combination of high-quality standards and caring people. We are so thrilled Dad is living here, it’s just the right place for him and we are excited for his future.”

Michelle shared similar thoughts when a move to The Woodlands was a positive step forward for her parents: “I went for a tour, and I couldn’t believe my eyes, I thought ‘I’d quite like to live here too’, it’s like being on a cruise ship. It’s been so nice to come and visit because not only do you join them in their apartment and see how well they’ve settled in, but you can go into the restaurant have a coffee in the communal area and another lady may come and join us, and all of a sudden you see a different side to your parents. It’s just given them a whole new lease of life and have made so many new friends already.”

Choosing retirement living for a loved one isn’t a withdrawal. It’s a decision to enable life, dignity and connection for everyone involved. If caring is your role already, let it become one you do from a place of support — not exhaustion.

You already care. You already work. Now perhaps it’s time you considered ways to care differently, and better.

Explore our communities or discover how retirement living is not a lifeless space, it is actually packed full of personality

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