Losing A Partner In Later Life

Finding Comfort In Community 

The latest census from the Office for National Statistics revealed that 23.1% of people aged 65 and over are widowed or surviving partners from a civil partnership. The loss of a beloved spouse or partner is one of life’s most profound and devastating experiences, creating an emptiness that only those who have endured it can truly understand.  

According to Age UK’s ‘You are not alone’ report, more than one in six older people who are widowed say they often feel lonely, underscoring the importance of compassion and community. 

For many older individuals, the passing of a spouse brings not only emotional pain but also practical challenges. Tasks that were once shared now fall solely on the surviving partner, and the weight of making decisions alone can feel overwhelming. Safety concerns may also arise, particularly for those who find themselves living alone for the first time in many years. 

Yet, in the midst of such profound grief, there is hope. Some have found solace in retirement communities, where the warmth of companionship and the support of new friends have significantly improved their quality of life. We spoke with several homeowners who shared their heartfelt stories of finding comfort and camaraderie in their new homes. 

Dr Cath’s Story 

Cath moved to The Sidings in Lytham in February 2023, finding a supportive and friendly community. 

“I met my husband, Peter, when I had just left school. He was a year older than I was, so he was already at university. We were together from then onwards. He proposed to me on his 21st birthday.  

After many happy years together Cath and Peter decided to downsize and were planning to enjoy going on more cruises in their retirement. 

“We bought a flat in the old Queen Mary’s Girls’ School that I’d been a pupil of. It was a very nice flat, but the minute we bought it, Peter started being ill. It turned out he had a very virulent form of lung cancer. He was offered chemotherapy and decided to try it, but after the first treatment he got a terrible infection and within a week of having the chemo, he died.  

The flat held too many painful memories, so Cath’s daughter suggested moving to a retirement community.  

“Since moving here, I’ve made good friends. Being among people in a similar situation helps a lot and makes you feel better. One of the biggest benefits is not being isolated and having the support of the staff and friendships. You can choose to be on your own or find someone to have a coffee and chat with.” 

“Undoubtedly, this has been the best move for me. The staff are lovely, as are the other homeowners. Friends who visit think it’s a lovely place, and some are even considering moving here themselves. I’ve got no regrets. I’m happy here 

Sue’s Story 

Sue moved to The Woodlands in June 2022 to be closer to her family after the loss of her husband, Neil. 

“Neil and I met at work and were very happily married. We loved walking and nature, visiting places like New Zealand and Africa. He used to tinker with cars and he loved planes. We were in a choir as well. He had a beautiful voice.”  

Sadly, Neil was diagnosed with cancer in 2019 and passed away two years later. 

“I lived in our house for almost a year after Neil died. My son encouraged me to move closer to him and his family, but I wasn’t ready at first. There’s a lot to do when someone dies, and my son helped a lot.  

“I didn’t know I needed people as much as I did. When you lose somebody, people are very good at the outset in looking after you and being there for you, but then after a while they think you’re over it. I was starting to get a bit upset and lonely. People were there, but they weren’t there really. I could feel the walls coming in a bit. So, this all came at the right time.  

“My daughter-in-law found an advert for Adlington Retirement Living. My son visited The Woodlands, sent me a video, and I thought, ‘What’s not to like?’” 

“I moved in 12 weeks later. Within two days, I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. We all get on well, and it’s so good because if I’m feeling down, I can go downstairs and play a game or do a jigsaw and it cheers me up.  

“When Neil died, I didn’t know how I would cope, but I kept going. I’ve found that trying new things has changed me. I’m living life to the full now.” 

Dr Trevor’s Story 

Since moving to The Sidings in April, Trevor has embraced being part of a thriving community. 

“I met my first wife, Jean, at the hospital. She was a staff nurse on one of the wards and we married and had two children. She died in 1984 when my youngest was just 13 and my eldest was 16. I spent some time bringing up the children on my own. My grandmother helped out. She used to come and stay with me for a few weeks at a time and help look after the children. I still remember that fondly.  

“A few years later, I met my second wife. When we got together, we moved back from Carleton to Blackpool, just off North Park Drive near the hospital. We had been living there together for about 35 years when she died. From then on, I was rattling around in our five-bedroom house on my own. 

“My children and sister worried about me. I used to see very few people. Since moving here, I’ve got back to my normal self. I enjoy meeting people and talking to them. There’s a good sense of community here.” 

“I think one of the big benefits of moving to a retirement community is the stimulus of other people at this time of life. If somebody has been on their own, as I know very well, you can sink into not wanting to do anything. You lose your ability to think properly, and to converse properly, and you start to go downhill. 

“Moving to a retirement community relieves you of an enormous amount of stress and adds a lot of positive social interaction. I enjoy meeting new friends and socialising and not having any worries about life.  

“I think another benefit is knowing that you’re going to be safe. Quite a few older people have very little self-confidence left and I think that’s bolstered quite a bit by the staff here being so caring and thoughtful.” 

Anne’s Story 

When Anne moved to The Sidings in January 2023, she looked forward to new friendships and the support of a community whilst remaining independent. 

Anne was born and brought up in Manchester and so was her husband, Joe.  

“We met when we were five years old at primary school. We were sweethearts, on and off, as teenagers and eventually we got married when I was 23 and he was 24. We were married for 62 years. He died of cancer in July 2021, just a month after his diagnosis.  After that I was left in a big four-bedroom bungalow rattling around on my own with a big garden. It felt empty. Particularly as it had always been the house where everybody gathered.  

 “I had lots of friends around me, but I felt very lonely. I think you feel especially lonely when it comes to big decision-making and that sort of thing. When you’ve had somebody all your life and there’s nobody to talk to about it. 

 Although Anne’s sons had all come home to support her, none of them live nearby. 

“Richard lives in Chester now, my second son, Damian, lives in Australia and my third son, Martin, lives in America, having worked all over the world. With the boys being so far away, the last thing I wanted was for them to worry about me. I wanted to give them peace of mind that they didn’t need to be worrying about me and that I’m going to be all right. 

“And then a booklet came through the door about The Sidings. I thought it might be good for me to move. I liked the idea of having someone on hand 24/7 and still being independent. Moving here lifted the weight of property maintenance off my shoulders.

“When I moved in, almost immediately I felt I had done the right thing. It’s wonderful here. We’ve got a lovely community. Moving to a retirement community like this is the best thing you could possibly do. You can carry on as you always have but you also have the possibility of friendship groups and support. I’m happy here and enjoy the support we get from each other and the management team. 

“I’ve got my social circle here and my social group outside of The Sidings as well. It’s nice to have that sense of there always being somebody there if you need anything. It’s always good to have that feeling of support.” 

Jane’s Story 

Jane moved to The Sidings in November 2022, looking forward to being part of a thriving community. 

“When you’ve had a very happy marriage and been with somebody all your life and then suddenly find yourself on your own, coming to a retirement community like this definitely helps. Barry, my husband, and I would have been married for 60 years this year.”  

Over the years, Jane and Barry lived in Greater Manchester, Cheshire and the Lake District. 

“Barry was diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, which he had for five years. I nursed him until he died two years ago. He was wonderful. He’s sorely missed by a massive number of people.” 

Having spent two years in isolation, nursing her husband through the Covid pandemic, Jane felt it was important to find somewhere to live where she could be part of a community. 

“We had been locked away for two years and so I had become quite insular. After Barry died, I got very frightened and didn’t like sleeping in the house on my own. You can very easily shut down and that’s what I recognised. From the person I was to the person I was becoming. The loneliness crept in. I was starting to feel sorry for myself. I realised that I didn’t want to be on my own.  I knew that once Barry died, I needed to look after myself. I also knew that my Mum lived to 102 and therefore I wanted to have something that occupied my mind. Your own company gets worse as you get older. It’s not good to spend too much time on your own. 

“I found Adlington Retirement Living and put a deposit down. The main draw was the prospect of being part of an active community. I have lunch in the restaurant almost every day and spend hours in the coffee lounge with my new friends. It’s much better than I ever imagined. I got exactly what I bargained for, if not more.” 

“Moving here was the best thing I’ve ever done, except for marrying my husband. Since I’ve come here, my life is far more than I ever thought it would be. It’s a marvellous community, and there’s nothing I don’t like about this place.” 

 The Comfort of Community in Later Life  

These stories highlight the transformative power of community and companionship in later life. For many, moving to a retirement community has provided a renewed sense of purpose, safety, and social engagement. While the loss of a spouse is an immense challenge, finding a supportive environment can make all the difference in navigating this new chapter of life. 

Find out more about the health benefits of living within a retirement community  or read more homeowner stories.